Lesbian relationships and exploding, emotional petrie dishes

This is a picture of my former spouse. As you can see, I have taken measures to protect her identity.

My ex and I went through what had to be some kind of record-breaking parting of the ways. It spanned across three years and five states. It got to be so ridiculous, that even we were making fun of it...when we could find time in between the tearful reunions and insult laden door slamming.

But this particular relationship is not actually what I'm here to write about.

Mostly I just wanted to post a picture of my ex-wife with a mustache. I'm concerned that she might still be too identifiable. Hang on.

There, That's better. Thank goodness I'm not BITTER or anything.

I hope she still has a sense of humor, mostly because she's studying to be a lawyer.

Anyway, what I'm really here to write about is the intensity of lesbian relationships. You see, as shocking as it may be, the fact is that when you get two women into a relationship-you can almost be guaranteed that emergency vehicles will show up at some point. Probably at least every 28 days.

OK. Not really.

There are plenty of examples of very calm, stable, committed and supportive lesbian relationships out there. But women are, generally speaking, socialized to be more emotionally...expressive...than men are. Put TWO women together, and this creates a potentially explosive, emotional petrie dish, Be prepared for wildly intense connections, boundless love, romantic calisthenics, highly detailed and labor intensive negotiations, tearful exchanges (I own stock in Kleenex), lots of guessing about what is wrong (you should KNOW what is wrong, you jerk), cuddling marathons after sex, and loooong, loooooong, conversations about everything.

I used to write my spouse these exhaustively expressive "feelings" letters before I went to work, and leave them by the coffee maker. She called them my, "coffee pot novels." One time she called me at work, asked me if I was listening carefully (I was, because that's what we women do), and then proceeded to rip it up into little pieces over the phone. She told me to TALK to her, and stop making her read 'War and Peace' every morning.

Whatever. I had feelings. They needed out. All of them.

I don't want to paint lesbian relationships with a stereotypical, hysterical brush. They really aren't all like that. But I can say from my experience in the lesbian community, there is a lot of relationship drama out there. It can be intense. This is also compounded by the fact that there are a limited number of single lesbians out there, and we all know each other.

OK. That's not true either. I just get a kick out of it when someone straight (who lives three states away) says, "Hey, I work with a lesbian. Her name is Jane. Do you know her?"

Of course I know her! We are all just three degrees from Shane. Or Jane.

I was going to start writing about lesbians and U-Hauls, but that is a topic that deserves it's own blog entry. For now, I am going to go cry a little (I have my box of Kleenex), and hug my cat a little too tightly.