Lesbian Gang Signs: A Tutorial

"Hello. I am a lesbian. Are you also a lesbian? Can I meet your dog?"

There are a few "insider" things that we card carrying lesbians usually keep under wraps. Our "industry secrets" if you will.

I've decided to share some of our lesbian gang signs with you.

I could get in a lot of trouble with the National Association of Secret Lesbian Stuff (NASLS). Most people don't even know that our organization exists...so for now we'll just pretend that I...uh... made it up.

I share all of this with you because I think there has been a lot of misinformation and confusion out there. I also think that it is important that straight people be properly equipped if they find themselves in one of the inner city lesbian ghettos...or Home Depot on a Saturday afternoon.

You want to be able to meaningfully communicate with the lesbians. It is also important for both comfort and safety that you know how to both read and interpret  lesbian hand gestures. Failure to understand could be costly, or at the very least, awkward.

The sign at the top is just a simple Identity-fier. It can be deployed by lesbians in most situations...it should not be confused with the "loser" sign, which is positioned directly in front of the forehead. This particular identifying sign was more popular back in the 60's before advances in 'gaydar technology' rendered it nearly obsolete. (There was also some confusion created by the 70's sitcom "Laverne and Shirley")...this sign seems to be making a bit of a comeback now that changing social norms in fashion and hairstyles (and people like Katy Perry) have made instant visual recognition much more difficult.

"Would you like to rent a U-Haul together?"

The "U-Haul" sign was taken directly from the American Sign Language alphabet, and deploys both the "U" and the "H" simultaneously. Be VERY careful in the use of this one, unless you want to end up living with a lesbian of your very own.

"Hey girl, would you like to 'scissor' with me?"

It is extremely important that you avoid this sign at all costs if you are a "straight" person. In fact, if a lesbian deploys this sign at you, try to avoid making direct eye contact, and leave the area immediately. I cannot stress this enough. Just trust me.

There are a few more signs, but I really can't bring myself to model them.

Damn you, 'Thelma and Louise' truck driver

The above photo was an attempt of mine to model what used to be a perfectly acceptable and frequently used sign for a common lesbian activity. Unfortunately, Ridley Scott ruined it by having the truck driver in 'Thelma and Louise' use it improperly. Our collective mental retinas have all been scarred, and it has been appropriated by straight males as part of their poorly executed mating ritual.

Also, be aware that these gang signs probably do not translate cross culturally. In Australia, for example, the above gesture means, "Up yours twice, mate."

I hope this has been helpful...and that NASLS will take into account that I did NOT share the secret handshake. I really want to keep my membership card.