So, my friend (I will refer to her here as Jessica, mostly because her name is Angela) suggested I write a post on lesbians and their exes. I had to think about this one for a while. I mean, what's so different about lesbians and their exes? Everyone has exes.
Then it came to me.
While most straight people have exes who live in Texas (I know this, because they write songs about it), many lesbian women have exes who live down the block and with whom they share joint custody of some furry creature.
Sometimes, they also share custody of a dog or cat.
Ba dump bump! I'll be here all week!
Anyway...back to my keen observations...
Granted, this idea PARTIALLY occurred to me because Jessica/Angela specifically suggested this exact, identical, nearly verbatim idea to me.
Our exchange went something (exactly) like this:
J/A: You should blog about lesbians who are still attached to and like their exes. I hate that!
JO: That is an AWESOME blog topic!!! I'm already getting ideas. I can totally work with that.
JO: Hi. I'm Jo. I'm hoping my ex gets eaten by an alligator.
J/A: I would LOVE it if a girl told me that! Instead I get...my ex is my best friend, or my ex and I still take turns with the dog or...my ex lives 3 houses down.
J/A; ...or...my ex still eats dinner at my mom's because she was a big part of the family for 7 years etc.
J/A: Straight girls cut their exes wieners off with dull knives.
JO: HAHAHAHA...oh...the ideas...I put mine on my blog with a mustache...not in any way equivalent to a dull knife, but I certainly did laugh a little too loudly...
NOTE: To see my ex with a mustache, please refer to the posting dated 10/3/14 and titled "Lesbian Relationships and Exploding Emotional Petrie Dishes." My ex would be the blond woman with the rather large mustache, sunglasses, giant red bow, chin whiskers, and a cigarillo dangling out of her mouth. Please refer your friends.
Anyway, I really think she is onto something. This 'friends with the exes' thing does seem to be a regular phenomenon in the lesbian community. It's strange. Even Melissa Etheridge ended up getting two separate houses with a shared backyard when she split with her ex-wife Julie Cypher. Supposedly it was to facilitate shared parenting of their human children...but I'll bet there were a few dogs and cats involved too.
Again, like the U-Haul phenomenon, I can't imagine the same scenarios going over as well in the heterosexual community. I mean, really.
I would forecast some troubles...and maybe a guest shot on Maury Povich.
I have to admit, I have been (and still am) touched by this phenomenon. I am friends with a few of my exes, and I have certainly had my fair share of girlfriends who also have ongoing entanglements with former domestic partners. I can't even tell you how many intense phone conversations I have witnessed as a result.
"Becky, you PROMISED you wouldn't let Figaro get attached to Miranda."
"Yes, and YOU promised that you wouldn't deviate from Eukanuba. That doesn't exactly explain what I discovered in his litter box this morning."
"Whatever. I'll see you at the dog park at 4:45 sharp...and this time please bring Cheeto's special bowl and squeaky Armadillo. He shouldn't be without them all week."
"Fine. Hey, there's a college production of 'Vagina Monologues'...you wanna go? Miranda hates that stuff."
"Absolutely! I found a rare live recording of Ani DiFranco reading Andrea Gibson. I wanted you to hear it."
Etc. Etc. Etc.
It can certainly be a challenge to deal with that stuff.
If it weren't for my exes with detached garages, I would never have been able to pursue music or writing. I'm pretty sure there are some current girlfriends who would love to kill me.
Especially when I deviate from the Eukanuba agreement.
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