Orange is the new crack...

So, I made the mistake of trying to watch an episode of "Orange is the New Black" a few months ago. I say a few months ago because I haven't turned off my TV or been seen in public since.

OK. Not really.

But I did watch the first season in one alarming, burnt popcorn laden, exhausting, butt numbing, singular binge marathon. I think it was 13 episodes. My intention was just to watch ONE episode (two tops), so I would be informed, and be able to participate in community conversations about it. I kept hearing about "Crazy Eyes," and about throwing pastries, but I was clueless. I felt isolated. Alone. Overly dramatic.

Well, I always feel overly dramatic. DON'T JUDGE ME! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS YELLING AT ME?

Anyway...I don't have Netflix, but I was visiting a friend who does. She was going on an overnight trip somewhere, and she made the mistake of showing me how her TV operated....and how to access her Netflix account. I rarely even watch TV, so I was unprepared. I have an addictive personality, so I was vulnerable.

I felt isolated. Alone. Overly dramatic. In need of popcorn. And crack.

Ok. Not really. I can't watch TV when I do crack. I'm too busy covering the windows with aluminum foil and listening for helicopters.

Anyway....

My intitial decision was spur of the moment. I mean, I still had painful memories relating to a prior "L-Word" fiasco that had required an intervention and a crowbar. Fortunately, L-Word got stupid, and gave me time and space to heal. But, I HAD to know what the big fuss was all about with this new show.

After I got over the really annoying theme song, I watched the first episode.

My friend returned the next morning to find me glassy eyed, frazzled, hair askew (that's normal), curled up on her couch with the remote, her house smelling of desperation, self-loathing, and burnt popcorn.

I understand there is now another season. The first one ended in a kind of cliffhanger, with the religious freak about to kill the heroine-who had gone kung-fu ninja on her ass.

I really need someone's Netflix access code. I'll pawn something. Please. Please. PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY...DON'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!!!!

Too dramatic?

I'm in love with Alex.

Do you hear a helicopter?