Lesbians: We are HUMPR's, and we like to truck...

There is a time and place for the lesbian U-Haul phenomenon, and it usually involves the immediate and cosmic collision of two incredibly impulsive and lovestruck women into an instant, morphed, domestic conglomeration of assorted dogs, cats, boots, bras, Sarah McLachlan CD's, yoga mats, and  an arsenal of hair care products (for the animals, mostly).

For any other moving activity, lesbians know they can activate the Homegirl Urgent Moving Protocol Response (HUMPR) system, which I may, or may not have, just now, right this very second, made up.  

But, if I did just make up something, it is in name only...because in spirit, this thing actually exists. A few well placed phone calls, and any lesbian can count on an army of lesbians with trucks showing up when and where she needs them.

U-Haul may be the appropriate "move in" method...but when Courtney discovers that Brooke told Pinecone her secret about that night following the potluck when she did that one thing with Amber behind Kelly's back, and Pinecone never shared this fact with Courtney thereby allowing Jill to eat all of the hummus again (WTF JIll?)....a lesbian can count on her homegirls to show up for the rapid response "move out."

Not that EVERY lesbian drives a pickup truck. I mean, that would be a stereotypical, sweeping over-generalization. I would never do THAT. Making insulting, inaccurate, stereotypical statements could result in a bunch of women with mullets descending to stomp on me with their giant boots.

Haha. Just kidding. Mullets were so 1985.

I actually had one. But, I digress.

As I was saying, not every lesbian drives a pick-up truck. Some ride motorcycles.

Haha! Just kidding again! How are you going to help somebody move their cat tree on a motorcycle? That's just silly!

You know, my housemate just had an awesome idea. She said we should all get HUMPRstickers for easy identification purposes. I told her to be quiet, because I'm the funny one in this household.

Anyway, I'm totally ripping off her HUMPRsticker idea, and I'm going to put one on my Vulva...because that's what I drive. Yeah, baby.

There. I think I have equally offended everybody. My work is done here.