'Comfortable Shoes' and Bear Attack Escape Tactics...

It may be true that lesbians, both butch and femme (and everything in between) are more prone to wearing comfortable, SENSIBLE shoes...although I can think of many, many examples of lesbians who now enthusiastically participate in the kind of foot-mangling torture  that I had previously only associated with crazy, straight girls.

One of my lesbian friends in particular (I shall refer to her here as 'Cheryl'... mostly because her name is Cheryl)...absolutely LOVES shoes. She is known for it. She likes to wear the kind of shoes that she needs a step ladder to climb into.

Cheryl is kind of height conservative.

Anyway, her shoes are gorgeous, and always perfectly coordinated with whatever outfit she is wearing. She looks super cute in them, and despite the fact that the heels are so tall that almost ANYBODY would need a step ladder to climb into them-she can actually walk in them. In fact, she can even DANCE in them.

I know this because I went dancing with her one night at a local lesbian bar in Phoenix, AZ (Go Zoans!). We stepped outside for a moment, and I asked her if I could try on her shoes. I was amazed, and curious, and pretty sure that she was somehow super glued into them.

She said that I could try them on. I took one look at those giant heels, and I immediately fell down and broke my ankle.

No, not really.

I did, however, slip them on for just a moment...just to see how they felt...and I couldn't even STAND in them. Seriously. It was embarrassing.

I put my granola loafers back on, and gave her back her gorgeous, ornamental, stunt shoes.

I guess my closet looks exactly as the stereotypical lesbian's closet would be expected to look...it looks as if Eddie Bauer walked in there and just exploded. And it is also true that every shoe in my closet is designed for function, and for comfort...and as Cheryl might add, for perpetual singledom. My shoes are definitely...sensible...and not necessarily very attractive or flattering. But, if I were ever in a situation where I was being chased by a Grizzly bear (as often occurs in downtown Phoenix)...well, Cheryl and her impractical shoes are exactly who I would want to have with me.

You will notice that I didn't refer to Cheryl as "short." This is because I'm afraid she will throw her shoe at me and put my eye out.