I remember when I was first wrestling with the self realization that I might not be like the other girls....wrestling with the realization that I might be a lesbian.
I was three years old.
Boy, that was a rough year.
OK. Not really....at three the only thing I was wrestling with was how to get my Chatty Kathy doll to shut the hell up (turns out that leaving her in the driveway to be run over is pretty effective).
Actually, it was more like when I was about twelve, and developing my first
crushes. While the other girls were fussing over the boys in 'Tiger Beat' magazine, I just wanted to impress Jo, from 'Facts of Life,' with my hamster.
In all fairness, my hamster, Gumby, was really cool and could do tricks.
But I'm not here to write about my amazing, stunt hamster.
I'm here to write about how I might have contracted lesbianism.
I've really wracked my brains over this one...(not as much as my poor mother did, bless her heart)...but I have certainly put a lot of thought into it. It had to have happened sometime before I was eight years old, because by that age I was already firmly resistant to all things pink, delicate, and frilly...and I wanted to push boys into mud puddles...I was clearly demonstrating the signs and symptoms of early infection.
I'm still not sure if I was contagious during this time...and I'm still totally mystified about WHERE I could have POSSIBLY picked it up. It remains a mystery to this day.
Although, I do remember that one time I ate bad cheese. Could that be it?
It would be so much easier to narrow down if there was more accurate information about how it's spread. I mean, when I caught mononucleosis it was totally clear that I got THAT from kissing Marcus Ritchie behind the hockey rink (it was his idea, and I didn't like it). But THIS thing...I have no idea.
Anyway, when I first came out to my mom (bless her heart) I think she was very hopeful that it was just a "phase"...like the phases I went through with doing John Wayne impersonations, or collecting lizards. But, this 'lesbian thing' hasn't spontaneously resolved. I think it might be terminal. Most of the people I know who caught the lesbianism and later passed away did, indeed, die still having the condition.
To be truthful, though...I don't expect that the lesbianism will kill me. Well, unless I encounter another one like my ex. Then, it might.
Fortunately, I wouldn't be interested in a "cure," even if there was one. What a way to go! I think it MIGHT be possible that I was born this way. I think it MIGHT be possible that that is totally awesome!
I try to imagine a modern (western) world where being "gay" was still considered something you could "transfer" to others...where planes coming in from San Francisco were quarantined while straight healthcare workers, dressed in protective clothing modeled after 1950's sitcom characters, observed passengers for signs of fabulousness.
"Bob, I've got one here with errant glitter, and an encyclopedic knowledge of showtunes...."
"Put him in with the female pro-golfer. Let's see how they respond to the fruit basket test..."
Lesbians would be expected to eat the fruit in the basket, slightly hesitating with the bananas. Gay men would be expected to try to incorporate the fruit basket (especially the bananas), into a design for a giant hat.
Anyway...I actually feel fortunate that I am one of the 4-15% of the general population (depending on which studies you consult) lucky enough to be gay.
And proud. :)
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