So, I used to think that I was pretty in tune with what the current fashions were for most self-respecting lesbians. I had a closet full of 501's, plaid flannel shirts, vests, hiking boots, and a motorcycle helmet that I wore everywhere-even though I don't own a motorcycle.
Of course, that was "back in the day," when the lesbian handbook actually specified the parameters of our "uniform," It has since been updated several times by the National Association of Self-Aware Lesbians Hoo Are Irritatingly Right (NASALHAIR).
I might have made that up.
Anyway, I thought I was still dressing within the handbook specifications, although I had noticed an increasing number of lesbians who seemed to be willing to "come out" of their flannel closet ghettos, and embrace brightly colored prints and lovely cotton/polyester blends. Some of them were even wearing open-toed sandals without socks. So brave.
I remember when it first occurred to me that maybe, PERHAPS, I was an outdated, lesbian nerd.
It was the day I was first called an outdated, lesbian nerd (these subtle hints are often very helpful to me).
Several of my straight girlfriends invited me out to a nice social event. I had scoured my wardrobe, and thought that I had found the perfect outfit...one that I felt I looked especially nice on me.
When I emerged from the bedroom to show off my choice, one of my friends took a long, hard look at me, and then stated, "You look like you are about to go fly-fishing."
So, she didn't actually call me an outdated, lesbian nerd...but she did accuse me of dressing like a character from "A River Runs Through It."
I'm not even from Montana.
In my defense, however, I am from Alaska. Everyone in Alaska (straight women included) dresses like they are about to go fly-fishing. Most of them actually ARE about to go fly-fishing...but they also dress like that when they are about to go out to dinner, or to go out shopping. They even go to the Opera like that. The only time Alaskans DON'T look like they are about to go fly-fishing is when they go to the "Annual Miner's and Trapper's Ball." That's when they all look like Grizzly Adams at a drag queen convention. Straight women included.
But that's for a different blog.
My girly friends immediately drove me to Ross, and subjected me to an intervention that lasted for several hours. I was forced to try on stacks and stacks of pinkish colored frilly things with flowery prints, and lace.
And that was just the underwear.
Ultimately, however. I always seem to gravitate back to canvas, and denim, and blue tarps with arm holes and head holes cut out of them.
Lesbians have come a long way with diversifying "lesbian fashion" in general. It could be that there really isn't a lesbian "uniform" anymore, and that lesbians just kind of dress (gasp) HOWEVER THEY WANT TO-more concerned with what feels good and fits their personalities than with some silly outdated handbook regulations. I do think that lesbians generally tend to regard clothing with the same sort of "middle finger to the gender-system" sensibilities that they seem to apply to everything else. I like that about my community.
I'm going to save my discussion of lesbian footwear and our top-secret "comfortable shoes" pledge for another post.
I have to stop typing now. My motorcycle helmet is fogging up, and I can't see anything...
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