Lesbians and Cats: Pussy Galore

No, I'm not writing about a James Bond film, silly.

I'm writing about another lesbian phenomenon, which is the bond between a lesbian and her cat. Or cats, as may be (often is) the case.

Lesbians are very fond of pussies. They also like cats a lot.

Be prepared...it's not as if I could even write this entry without making that joke 4, 237 times. Be realistic, people. I don't even have a choice here. It's a force out of my control.

Anyway, lesbians and their...uh...kitties. Yes, the bonds are supernatural. For the cats too, it seems-which may seem a bit unusual, given cats' intrinsic nature to be total a**holes.

But, something seems to happen to cats who inhabit lesbian households. I mean, besides the whole 'dressing differently and becoming conscientious about choosing dolphin-free tuna' thing. Cats in lesbian household also seem to relax their general "a**holiness" (I made up a word), and will often extend the number of times they will allow themselves to be petted in a row before abruptly and inexplicably turning on you, and shredding your hand to smithereens.

"Kitty Smithereens" is a good name for a lesbian rock band.

Ok. Maybe not.

Anyway, I have noticed that kitties in lesbian households seem to be extraordinarily affectionate and attached to their lesbian moms. I mean, I haven't conducted a formal study or anything, but there does seem to be a higher level of cat/human-mom interaction. Almost to the point of co-dependence. Almost to the point of dangerous.

I know several lesbians who have awakened to find their pussy nearly suffocating them, affectionately obstructing their airways with their less than subtle attempts to get petted. Sometimes their cats will also do this.

I told you. I have no choice with this post. Don't judge.

This is my friend in Portland, and her beloved cat "Whisker Nibblets."

OK. The kitty isn't named "Whisker Nibblets." I made that up, because I don't know her cat's name, and I took a guess so that she wouldn't 'un-friend' me on Facebook (my friend, not the cat). You don't mess with not knowing stuff about a lesbian's cat. Marriages can break up over that shit.

Anyway, she recently posted a photograph of her cat sprawled across her neck and face (Yes-the feline variety...geez), and she stated she was under "Cattack"-which made me giggle. She also recently had her kitty go missing for a whole day (yes-the feline variety...geez), and had taken the drastic measure of putting out the "Lesbian Amber Alert." The "Lesbian Amber Alert" is a top secret lesbian emergency broadcast system that we only deploy in extreme situations-usually having to do with our cats or dogs, or sometimes on the rare occasion we have run out of tofu.

She found "Whisker Nibblets," and it is OK.

Yes, cats adopted by lesbians are lucky creatures. Although, the cats probably think they adopted the lesbians-and that the lesbians are the lucky ones. Because that's just how cats roll.

Cats, by the way, do a lot of their "rolling" very loudly, at about 3:30 in the morning. I'm not sure why this is...it must be a "cat thing." Sometimes I am concerned that my pussy is out of control.

Yes, and my cat too.

Ooh! Laundry right out of the drier!

Sorry. I had to. Much to my kitty's chagrin, I'm only human.