Back in the day, I had a serious crush on my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Carlson. It happened when she read "Where the Fern Grows" to our class. I fell in love with the story, to be sure. But, as Mrs. Carlson would read to us the words in that soft, hypnotic voice of hers-changing tone and inflection to capture the personality of the characters, or the emotional intent of the passages-I began to think that Mrs. Carlson was...well... HOT. I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I did figure out that it wasnt just the adventures of Big Dan and Little Ann that had my heart racing. The excitement and urgency in her voice every time they treed a raccoon made me dizzy.
Yes, she was my first lesbian crush.
Lesbians, it seems, have raised "crushing" to an art form. It turns out, when I compare notes with other lesbians of my generation, that we were largely crushing on the same people (although Mrs. Carlson was probably unique to me).
Jo, from 'Facts of Life' (Nancy McKeon) is a favorite. I was also quite partial to Kristy McNichol of 'Family' fame. She was in a movie, 'Little Darlings'...I was sure I was going to die-and I about wore out my VHS tape. I had crushes on Sigourney Weaver (after I saw both 'Alien', and then 'Aliens') , and Linda Hamilton after I saw 'Terminator'. About the same time I was crushing on Mrs. Carlson, I also had a thing for Mary, from 'Little House on the Prarie'...of course, Melissa Gilbert was also perfect as Laura Ingalls. Later, I crushed on her sister Sarah Gibert-who played Darlene on 'Roseanne'.
One of my most intense crushes was in high school, when I was totally enthralled with Sharon Gless, who played Christine Cagney on 'Cagney and Lacey'. I actually had a scrapbook dedicated to her. I wasn't as dedicated as the lesbian stalker who broke into her real-life home and camped out there for a few days when Sharon Gless was away, but I was close.
I also went through an Amy Grant, and a Mary Stuart Masterson phase. I'm sure that 'Fried Green Tomatoes' had a lot to do with that, although I saw 'Some Kind of Wonderful' 1, 347 time.
OK. Not really. I will just say that I've seen it more than once.
Then there was Joan Jett, and Ally Sheedy after I saw her in 'The Breakfast Club'...nobody does dark and dandruff like Ally Sheedy.
I think it is interesting that, when I mention ANY of these names in lesbian group conversations, there is the unmistakable collective sigh of recognition. I wasn't the only one scrapbooking. While the other girls were reading "Tiger Beat" and drooling over Ralph Macchio and Eric Estrada, I was trying to figure out how I could get a pin-up of Ripley on my wall without being too obvious.
At one point, I did have a Sean Cassidy poster in my bedroom. When I came out to my mom, years later, she recalled that and pointed it out to me as evidence that I wasn't really gay. I had to tell her that the reason I had that poster is that I wanted his haircut.
I think we lesbians now have a much different "crushing landscape" as I will refer to it. For one thing, we have a wider variety of strong female characters and personas to choose from. In this age of Melissa Etheridge, 'L-Word' (Oh....Shane...), and 'Orange is the New Black' (Oh, Alex)...we are out of the closet in a big way. Katy Perry can kiss a girl. Jodie Foster can come out on national television. We don't have to hide our crushes any longer!
Now, if you will excuse me...I have an entire season of 'Ellen' to watch. The series AND the talk show.
And the stand-up comedy specials.
I might have a crush on Ellen. And that's OK!
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